When a child is born naturally, it is placed on its mother’s breast and becomes part of her. This is the first step in bonding to the child’s family. If the child must then be left at a day care center while the mother works, bonding takes place in the day care center. The child bonds with the teachers and the other children. They become like a second family.
When the child enters school, associations with friends and teachers create further bonds and a sense of belonging. But all children do not bond easily. A boy might join the Boy Scouts and find that nobody really likes him and that the boys don’t really want to associate with him. A girl might experience the same thing in the Girl Scouts. It’s not the fault of these organizations, it’s just that anyone that is not considered to be the same as the other members, becomes an outcast.
Problems can erupt when a child feels that he or she is not as attractive as other children, that his or her clothing is of lower quality than that of other children, that he or she is not as smart as the other kids. The child tries to isolate herself or himself from the others and seeks children like her with whom to associate. Too often gangs provide the bonding the child is seeking.
Despite the fact that gangs subject new members to cruel and humiliating initiations, youth join to gain respect, protection, and a platform for illegal and dangerous activity. Some carry guns and knives to school. They humiliate those who ostracized them with impunity. They have regained lost self esteem. They end up in jail, reformatories, and foster homes. Some end up dead.
The Importance of the Family
You have heard that certain families are very strong.
“She comes from an Italian Family” means that “she” is strongly bonded to that family. You see her at the dinner table with cousins, aunts, and grandparents. They are all having a big time eating delicious homemade spaghetti and freshly-baked hot bread. She will be married in a huge cathedral and it will be filled with about a zillion people. At the reception, they will stuff money into her little white purse. She is bonded.
Family ties can exceed the strength of all other bonds. What she might suffer at school, she never suffers at home. She does not join a gang despite the fact that she is not very attractive and not very smart. She is loved at home and that is sufficient to relieve her disappointment at school.
The pressures on the family cause a weakening of its effectiveness. When both parents are working family time diminishes. More money doesn’t necessarily bring more happiness. Heavy involvement in social or political organizations can cripple the family. You might get Joe Promise elected but lose your family.
Family values need to be preserved. Children must find sanctuary in their homes. They must be loved.
Importance of Church
Church organizations usually have more consideration for the individual than some other organizations. Teachings that increase self esteem are common. Members tend to show love for each other. They accept the fact that God’s Children are different and that each individual deserves respect and acceptance. (If your church falls short, you might look for one that doesn’t.)
Churches also offer counseling. They can help your children overcome self-destructive behavior. They can help children learn to serve others rather than being self-centered and only living for themselves. Serving others can help a child forget his or her own problems.
Children should start attending church when they are young and they should attend until they are old men (like me, unless they are girls).
Social Organizations
The Boy Scouts of America, the Girl Scouts, boys and girls clubs, etc., can be helpful in providing wholesome activities for your youngsters. Leaders become good role models. Adventure promotes achievement and self-esteem.
These organizations have codes to live by. Here is the Scout Law:
TRUSTWORTHY
A Scout tells the truth. He keeps his promises. Honesty is part of his code of conduct. People can depend on him.
LOYAL
A Scout is true to his family, Scout leaders, friends, school, and nation.
HELPFUL
A Scout is concerned about other people. He does things willingly for others without pay or reward.
FRIENDLY
A Scout is a friend to all. He is a brother to other Scouts. He seeks to understand others. He respects those with ideas and customs other than his own.
COURTEOUS
A Scout is polite to everyone regardless of age or position. He knows good manners make it easier for people to get along together.
KIND
A Scout understands there is strength in being gentle. He treats others as he wants to be treated. He does not hurt or kill harmless things without reason.
OBEDIENT
A Scout follows the rules of his family, school, and troop. He obeys the laws of his community and country. If he thinks these rules and laws are unfair, he tries to have them changed in an orderly manner rather than disobey them.
CHEERFUL
A Scout looks for the bright side of things. He cheerfully does tasks that come his way. He tries to make others happy.
THRIFTY
A Scout works to pay his way and to help others. He saves for unforeseen needs. He protects and conserves natural resources. He carefully uses time and property.
BRAVE
A Scout can face danger even if he is afraid. He has the courage to stand for what he thinks is right even if others laugh at or threaten him.
CLEAN
A Scout keeps his body and mind fit and clean. He goes around with those who believe in living by these same ideals. He helps keep his home and community clean.
REVERENT
A Scout is reverent toward God. He is faithful in his religious duties. He respects the beliefs of others.
The socuts themselves say that there is one other law: A Scout is HUNGRY (and will eat you out of house and home).
I have this to say about youth organizations; don’t leave your children to any organization where you are not involved. You should be serving on committees, helping with activities, and being visible to the organization leaders. You must have your say in these organizations.
Is Your Child Already Lost?
If your child is a member of a gang or is associating with bad elements what can you do about it? If you sit on your hands you will fail. You must get professional counseling. Your city probably has Youth and Family Services. If not, ask your friends and associates where you can find help. Your telephone book might be the first start. All fails, call social organization like the Boy Scouts of America. Their professionals will know what services are available in your area. Well, why not call the Police Department. They know everything. What, you know the mayor?
The End
John T. Jones, Ph.D. (tjbooks@hotmail.com, a retired VP of R&D for Lenox China, is author of detective & western novels, nonfiction (business, scientific, engineering, humor), poetry, etc. Former editor of Ceramic Industry Magazine. He calls himself “Taylor Jones, the hack writer.”
More info: http://www.tjbooks.com
Business web site: http://www.dumbincome.com
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